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September 29 - Liz

Post Date:September 29, 2011

I heard an interesting story on the radio last week about an author who wrote a book along with 70 other authors called Dear Bully – 70 Authors tell their stories-(By Megan Kelley Hall and Carrie Jones). The book is a compilation of letters written to those people who bullied the authors or to the people that the authors themselves bullied.  I was very interested, and ironically the next day our school librarian was telling me all about this great book that she just got “Dear Bully”.

Though I haven’t had time since hearing about the book to read the whole thing, I skimmed through and read several of the letters.  It was so interesting to hear how “grown-up” people still have such vivid memories of their experience of being bullied.   The more interesting part is to see what they have done with those experiences.  For some it made them stronger, more creative, and in the end taught them how to be confident without paying attention to negative criticism.  Yet for others the memories still made them cry.  It was hard to let go and they had problems trusting people.  It was very clear to me that the affect of bullying is lifelong.

It made me wonder, what if I took the time write a letter to the people that were mean to me?  In 8^th grade I was not popular.  My mother dressed my like a middle aged woman (I was the oldest, she didn’t know any better), I was taller than every boy in my class, I was clumsy, un-athletic, and a goodie two shoes.  I was a good target for jokes.  I was never bullied to the point many in the book experienced.  I never considered transferring schools, and I was never physically abused. However, I was often excluded, and few memorable times, words or actions did hurt me.  Would writing a letter be a healing experience for me?  I think that it would be. 

On the other hand, what about the times that I remember being mean?  I am certainly not perfect, and there is one girl in particular that I wish I could apologize to.  If I ever ran into her I would certainly say that I am sorry.  Thinking of my actions towards her caused me to consider where my own insecurity came from.  Despite my own pain, to know that I hurt another is awful.  It is harder for me to heal the guilt that I feel for being mean than it is to heal the wounds of being bullied myself.  Getting my words onto paper and outside of my mind is a healing experience.

If you’re a “grown-up” who was bullied or was a bully, perhaps you could take the time to write a letter to someone you hurt or that hurt you.  Perhaps you know a young person being bullied that would benefit from reading your letter.  It can be a powerful thing to know that someone has felt the same way you do, has experienced the same things you have, and has made it through.

How powerful it can be to take our times of struggle and weakness to help others through in their moment of need.  I think “Dear Bully” is a great idea and hope that it inspires others to be honest and open about their experiences of bullying. 

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